Stepping into the Lands Between for Nightreign feels like reuniting with an old frenemy – familiar yet full of new surprises. The weapon system remains ruthlessly unpredictable, where RNGesus might bless you with legendary armaments or saddle you with glorified toothpicks. While freedom to choose exists on paper, some weapons actively sabotage your survival chances. Trust us, stumbling upon these during a boss fight? Total mood killer. 😩

🏹 Greatbow: Slow-Motion Suffering

At first glance, that massive bow screams epic boss-melting potential. Reality check? Drawing this monstrosity feels like waiting for your grandma to text back – painfully slow. Even Iron Eye's starter bow out-DPS's this clunker with quicker shots and better scaling. Against Nightreign's hyper-aggressive mobs? You'll be arrow-charging straight into a grave. Major oof moment.

🔗 Whip: Style Over Substance

Okay, cracking a whip makes you feel like Castlevania royalty for 2.5 seconds... until you realize it hits like wet spaghetti. The stat-lock system screws this weapon royally – only 1-2 characters might make it semi-viable. Co-op partners will side-eye you harder than a host watching you roll off a cliff. Skip unless you snag Hoslow's Petal Whip (that blood loss effect slaps!).

🌙 Full Moon Crossbow: Magic? More Like Tragic

This dual-damage disaster proves splitting magic/physical damage often means being bad at both. Reload times feel longer than the Elden Ring lore rabbit hole, and the "magical" damage output? Straight-up placebo effect. Watching Iron Eye struggle with this feels like giving Shakespeare emojis to write plays – just wrong.

☀️ Eclipse Shotel: Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch... If It Was Nerfed

Curved swords usually slay (pun intended), but this "legendary" armament? Certified scam. The holy damage barely tickles enemies, and its signature Death Blight Ash of War? Literally useless in PvE – like bringing vegan bacon to a BBQ. That execute effect on low-health foes? Cool in theory, but praying for RNG kills ain't a strategy. Pass harder than a Malenia waterfowl dance.

⛓️ Chainlink Flail: Blood Loss at What Cost?!

Flails in Nightreign make you question if FromSoftware forgot to buff them since 2022. This chonky boy demands STR investment but repays you with DPS lower than your will to fight Godskin Duo again. Sure, it bleeds enemies... if you survive hugging them like a deranged teddy bear. Not worth the repair runes. Periodt.

🐉 Dragon Greatclaw: Colossal Letdown

Swinging this feels like dragging a grand piano through quicksand. That lightning damage? About as impactful as a static shock from your office chair. When other colossal weapons hit like freight trains, this glorified dragon claw barely scratches. Watching your character slowly heave it upwards while a boss winds up? Anxiety attack simulator.

💐 Varre's Bouquet: Roses Are Red, This Weapon's Dead

A hammer disguised as flowers? Adorable. Effective? Absolutely not. The blood loss buildup can't compensate for range shorter than a Tarnished's patience with platforming. You'll need to sniff enemies closer than Varre's creepy vibes to land hits. In 2025's meta? It's basically bringing a bouquet to a nuke fight.

🔦 Torch: Literally Why Though

The ultimate troll pick. No dark areas to illuminate? Check. Pathetic damage? Check. Wasting a precious weapon slot? Big check. Unless it rolls god-tier passives (spoiler: it won't), equipping this is like challenging Maliketh with a pool noodle – performance art, not strategy. Save yourself the embarrassment.

At the end of the day, Nightreign's weapon gamble keeps us addicted despite the occasional trash loot. Maybe these underdogs will get buffed someday... but in 2025? Don't bet your runes on it. What's your most disappointing Nightreign weapon horror story? Spill the tea! ☕